Should I Separate Financially from My Husband?
QUESTION: I am in the process of getting married for the fourth time to a man who
has been married twice before. We are both 65, and each of us has children
by prior marriages, all of whom are grown. Although he has had some financial
reversals in the past, including a bankruptcy and tax liens, he appears
to be doing fine now. He is still working to pay off his debts, and just
received his first credit card.
Since we met a year ago, he has been helping me financially by paying part
of my mortgage and car payments, which he says he will continue to do.
I am very conservative, have a pension, a 401k, and income from my investments.
I have no debt other than my home and automobile.
Now that we have decided to marry, I am getting nervous and thought it
would be a good idea to get a premarital agreement to protect me; however,
he balked and said that we don't need one. Is there any way, short
of an agreement, for me to protect myself as I really love this man and
want to get married?
premarital agreements may be binding between a husband and wife, contrary to what most folks
think, third parties – like the IRS – are not bound. Without
a prenup and a plan to remain financially separate from your husband,
there is a chance that your husband could ruin your credit or even get
you both in trouble with the IRS if he is financially irresponsible.
And there are other potential problems, including:
- Without a waiver of estate rights, your spouse will be entitled to receive
a spouse’s share of your estate, no matter what your will provides.
The percentage will vary from state to state.
- If you file joint income tax returns with your spouse during your marriage,
you are, in effect, signing a note to be responsible for past due taxes,
interest, and penalties that you may not even know about.
- Under the "necessaries doctrine," you may be responsible for
your spouse's medical and other bills.
- If your spouse enters a nursing home and spends all of his assets, before
he will be able to qualify for Medicaid, you will be required to spend
down your assets to the maximum allowed in your state –despite your
- By your husband making your mortgage payments, he is probably gaining an
equitable interest in your property – and if you live in a community
property state, different rules may apply.
Your Spouse's Debt Can Affect You
In short, since your husband-to-be has a history of financial problems,
tax liens, and a bankruptcy, we think you are getting yourself into a
risky situation, with or without a premarital agreement. We strongly suggest
that you thoroughly think this through. Having been married three times
before, one would think that you would be ultra-cautious; however, if
you are convinced you want to take the risk a fourth time, contact an
experienced lawyer in your state to help you make some decisions.
Folks who decide to remarry multiple times – especially seniors –
must take a realistic look at both their and their fiancé’s
present and past economic situations. If the relationship is “true
love” but financial problems are present, an alternative to marriage
is cohabitation that will free the financially stable individual from
unknown obligations. But even if there is a cohabitation, we suggest that
there be a written agreement between the participants to assure that everyone
is on the same page.